As a matchmaker, I work with an inclusive audience and believe discussing certain issues relevant to our current dating culture is important. One term that has gained popularity in recent years is “ethical non-monogamy.” While I understand the intention behind this terminology — to emphasize honesty, consent, and mutual respect — I’d like to share why it’s unnecessary to continually stress the word “ethical” when discussing non-monogamy. Here’s why:

1. Ethics are the Foundation of All Relationships

Whether it’s a monogamous or non-monogamous relationship, the cornerstone should always be ethical behavior. Trust, consent, and mutual respect are not exclusive to non-monogamous relationships; they are fundamental to any healthy and successful partnership. By adding “ethical” specifically to non-monogamy, it implies that ethical considerations are somehow optional or secondary in monogamous relationships, which is not the case.

2. Normalizing Non-Monogamy

In my work as a matchmaker, I aim to normalize and validate diverse relationship structures. Adding the qualifier “ethical” to non-monogamy can inadvertently reinforce the misconception that non-monogamous relationships are inherently less ethical or more prone to dishonesty than monogamous ones. By simply using “non-monogamy,” we can help normalize these relationship structures, portraying them as just another valid option among many, rather than something that needs to be justified or defended.

3. Redundancy in Language

When we talk about relationships, ethical behavior should be a given. The term “ethical non-monogamy” can become redundant, much like saying “ethical monogamy.” We don’t typically qualify monogamous relationships with “ethical” because it is assumed that ethical behavior is integral to them. Non-monogamous relationships deserve the same baseline assumption of integrity and respect.

4. Broadening the Understanding of Ethics

Ethical behavior in relationships encompasses a wide range of practices and principles, including honesty, consent, communication, and mutual respect. These principles apply universally to all types of relationships. Emphasizing the ethical aspect of non-monogamy may narrow the understanding of what ethical behavior entails, as if it were a special consideration only for those practicing non-monogamy, rather than a universal standard.

5. Empowering Individuals

Using “non-monogamy” without the qualifier “ethical” empowers individuals to define and practice their relationships based on mutual agreements and personal values. It allows for a more inclusive understanding that encompasses various forms of consensual non-monogamy, including polyamory, open relationships, and swinging, without the need for additional justification.

6. Shifting the Focus to Consent and Communication

The core principles that make non-monogamous relationships successful are consent and communication. These are the pillars that should be emphasized, rather than continually stressing the ethical aspect. By focusing on consent and communication, we highlight the proactive and intentional efforts required to maintain healthy relationships, regardless of their structure.

Conclusion

As a matchmaker, my goal is to help people find relationships that are fulfilling and authentic to their needs and desires. While the term “ethical non-monogamy” serves an important purpose in emphasizing the values of honesty, consent, and respect, it may not be necessary to always include “ethical” when discussing non-monogamous relationships. By normalizing non-monogamy and assuming ethical behavior as a given, we can promote a more inclusive and accepting view of diverse relationship structures. Ultimately, all relationships — monogamous or non-monogamous — should strive to be ethical, founded on mutual respect, clear communication, and genuine consent.

If you’re navigating the world of non-monogamy or simply curious, remember that ethics are the bedrock of all healthy relationships, and non-monogamy is no exception. Let’s celebrate the diversity of relationship styles with the understanding that respect, honesty, and consent are universal values that transcend labels.